Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Here I am...less than 24 hours from stepping foot on Guatemalan soil. I'm almost packed and have come to realize my little boy has more clothes than any one child could ever possibly need!!!

Yesterday morning I was an absolute wreck...on the verge of a MAJOR melt down! It was so intense I couldn't even pinpoint what I was feeling....fear, anxiety, nervousness, or merely anticipation. But, since yesterday afternoon, I've been fine. I'm perfectly calm today, just ready to be on my way. Well, I'm a little frantic but that is only because of several things I'm rushing to finish up before I leave.

I've had so many people wishing me well and telling me to give him hugs and kisses for them...I don't think this child will ever want for affection! I'm sending a big THANK YOU to everyone who has been supportive and helpful.

I have to make this one short today...too much to do! I imagine the next time I post will be after I return home

Until then.....

Counting Down!!

FIVE MORE DAYS!!!!

Yesterday it hit me like a Mack truck...in less than one week, I will experience the most life changing moment in my existence so far. It is a little strange to know ahead of time, but I guess all parents-to-be do to some extent. It is so overwhelming to know that in one brief moment I will go from living the single, carefree, no one to answer to, no one to worry about life, to POW!!.....worry about everything, responsible for a whole other person, coupon clipping, overly protective MOMMY!!! I just cannot fathom what my initial reaction to seeing my son (even typing that seems a little weird) for the first time and facing the reality that he is in fact a little person...not just a photo-on-my-computer-screen idea.

PLEASE don't misunderstand...I am SO excited and anxious I would go today if I could! Never for a second have I doubted my decision. I'm not scared in the least....well, maybe that is a little bit of a fib. I am scared a little, but not for me. I'm scared for him...wondering how all the changes he has endured and will soon endure have affected his little mind, heart, and soul. It breaks my heart to think of his heart breaking, being separated from the mommy he has known since shortly after he came into this world. I'm thinking (and hoping) this is just proof that I am officially, undeniably, a MOMMY and am experiencing all the feelings that come along with that.

I know I'll have lots of support from my family (and Stacey, if you are reading this, I hope you know that includes you! You ARE his Tia!!). And, I know I'll have lots of support from friends I've had for years and friends I've made throughout this journey.

I know I'll be fine...although I'm far from perfect, I know me and I know how committed I am to being a great parent. I've had so many good role models in that area...I know what it takes and I know what's require to make a child feel safe and loved...at least I think I do. Never has there been a better example of that than my Granny Lella who helped raise me and I know she'd be very proud of me and what I am doing. I just wish he could have known her and known Granny's love. Even without her here on Earth, I know he'll feel it...through my family who were all touched by that love.

Well....this turned into a bit of a rambling....but I guess that's kind of the point of a blog!

Till next time..........

Way Behind

I knew these things were available but never really thought about using one to track my adoption journey. I just figured it would be too much trouble and time! But, I guess I'd better get used to trouble and time now that I'm going to be a mother!

I have officially been on this journey since October 6, 2006, when I had my first meeting with a social worker to discuss a homestudy, dossier, etc. There have been many ups and downs along the way, but never for one moment have I doubted that I have made the right choice to start my own family. It has been tough and it certainly isn't for the faint of heart. The waiting and worrying isn't the least bit fun, but once I saw the beautiful little face of Abdias Isamael Mejia de Leon (Elijah) I knew it has all been worth it and that I would sacrifice more time and tears (and money) to get him here with me.

Currently all the paperwork is in Guatemala (I'm sure a small forest has sacrificed it's life for this process) and DNA has been authorized by the US Embassy. Right now, I'm just waiting....waiting for DNA results and the news we have been submitted for Pre-Approval of his US visa.

My mother and I will be leaving May 23 to go for a five day visit trip to see my sweet boy. I can hardly contain my excitement and I'm trying my best to stay busy to make the days pass quickly and keep my mind occupied. I can only imagine what it will feel like to hold my child in my arms for the first time. I hope and pray we are a perfect mommy/baby match! I am also praying we get positive DNA results before the trip to settle some of my worries.

I have been so blessed with a supportive family, despite some worries in the beginning of the process. : ) My family is my best asset and I can't wait until Elijah becomes a part of it and sees how much he is going to be loved and what a great family he has.

God has also blessed me with meeting many wonderful people along my adoption journey. So many people have helped me either directly with the process or some just with kind words and reassurances. I have been very fortunate to be led to two wonderful agencies despite a less that perfect start. Heaven Sent Children has gone above and beyond any expectations I had and Sandi has been SO wonderful to help every step of the way. Celebrate Children International has also been a great help, keeping me updated and giving me access to other adoptive parents who always have such nice things to say and are always so supportive. Thank you all for all your prayers!!

Keep on praying.....there's still a lot of road ahead!!!

Stay tuned.......