No word.....how much harder can this get?!

I am officially, 100 % TIRED OF WAITING!!! Two and a half weeks out of PGN and nothing....no information on any progress whatsoever....my only solace is this....

new photos (and a medical update) of my BEAUTIFUL, absolutely PERFECT baby boy. I just want to pack my bag tonight and get on that plane! His medical report was good....everything is normal and he is developing perfectly....and crawling....I NEED my child home!!!

Considering I feel like doing nothing but ranting about how badly I miss Elijah and how desperately I want him home, I think I'll cut this post short...in an effort to keep the patheticness (is that a word?) to a minimum.

Still praying.....(and please feel free to join in!)

Answered Prayer!

Yesterday afternoon, I received what was probably the most important phone call of my life. Elijah is out of PGN!!!! We are in the home stretch now!!! Our case made it through in less than 8 weeks with no previos....which makes me feel very fortunate, considering the "average" minimum in PGN right now is 8 weeks and 80 % of cases are kicked out of PGN.

Even better news....Sue says since he was born in Amatitlan, his birth certificate shouldn't take very long and there is a possibility of a pick up trip around Thanksgiving! I had figured not to expect anything before maybe the first week of December.

So now comes the time to get all those things I have put off and put off done. ARGH!!!! I've procrastinated too much about some things!! On the upside, I should be so busy until time for pick up that it goes by quickly.

The journey has been difficult at times but I have never second guessed my choice to begin it or my destination. Having family and friends beside me along the way, cheering me on, offering words of hope and encouragement has made it bearable on the hard days. There have been several rocks in my brook as well as Elijah's, but....

"A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks"
-- Author:Unknown

1 Chronicles 16:34~O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Still praying.....

Two more days until the seven week mark in PGN.....praying like crazy for no kickouts!! Yesterday I shopped for Elijah's Embassy outfit....ended up with MANY choices. Now I'm adding a prayer that I get him home soon enough not to have to take all the things I bought back to the store!
Over the past month, I've seen several of the friends I've made through the adoption process, get out of PGN, get their pink slips, and bring their children home....a bittersweet feeling. On one hand, I can't help but think "Why not me?". I'm posting this knowing some of these friends will read this, but understand as adoptive parents how it's an uncontrollable thought when you are waiting. HOWEVER, on the other hand, it fills me with happiness that a child has come home to his or her forever family and with hope for my own child to be home soon. Most of these parents I've come to lean on for support and understanding (often when no one else does seem to understand) have been within a few weeks of me reaching milestones and that reminds me that my time is coming. My faith in that fact has wavered at times, particularly with certain developments I've seen throughout my process, but God has restored my faith and I believe it will be soon. Elijah will soon be home with the Mommy who misses him terribly and the family who so desperately wants to meet him.

Hebrews 6:15 And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.

Oops!!

At this point I don't think there is any hope for trying to recreate all the posts I could've been making over the last four months, so I'm not even going to try! So much has happened (and yet in many ways, so little has happened) that I simply cannot get it all in without writing a book.

So.....I'll hit the high points.

My son is perfect. I knew motherhood changes you and I fully expected something to happen, but I could've never known I could feel so much for this little person. The way my little angel looked in his little yellow ducky outfit, all wrapped up and bundled, that first moment I saw him will be forever etched in my memory. I know time and age can take away the clarity of our memories, but I simply cannot imagine this one ever leaving me. It was truly the most perfect moment of my life so far. I could not have created a better moment if I had that ability....well, expect maybe that I would have captured it a little better on camera and video. Unfortunately, my mother was a little too overwhelmed to think clearly at that moment as well.

First trip~~By the evening of the first day, I really began to think something was wrong with him.....he was just too good. No infant is that good.....at least that is what I thought. After a couple of days I realized that he was in fact that good....no fussing, no crying, sleeping 9 straight hours every night, even through a diaper change. Elijah is simply the happiest, most content child I've ever come into contact with.

Second trip~~I went alone on this one and I fully expected the "goodness" I experienced with him on the first trip to be a fluke and that I might have some difficulties handling it own my own....WRONG AGAIN. No matter how much I say it, no matter how many videos I take and show around, no one can really truly understand how unrealistically happy and good this child is until they are blessed enough to spend time with him....something my daddy learned when we went for the third visit.

Third trip~~Now my daddy knows just how "wonderfully made" Elijah really is. I knew my daddy would love him and be the best male role model possible for this angel from God, but I never imagined he would be as affected as he was. My daddy isn't a mushy kind of guy, but when it comes to his grandson...he's mush....in a split second he turned to a big bag of proud emotion.

That's my brief synopsis....

Prayerfully waiting......

So Busy!!!!

Well...I stink. I've not even posted since I've returned from my trip. However, in my own defense, I've been pretty busy. My trip was so wonderful that when I got home I started trying to work even more on the weekends to save up money for return trips!

Elijah is the most wonderful baby I've ever been around....I'm sure I'm not the least bit prejudiced! The babies in my family have all been good, but he was unbelieveable.

I started this on the 16th of June and never finished it, but I'll go ahead and post it!!!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Here I am...less than 24 hours from stepping foot on Guatemalan soil. I'm almost packed and have come to realize my little boy has more clothes than any one child could ever possibly need!!!

Yesterday morning I was an absolute wreck...on the verge of a MAJOR melt down! It was so intense I couldn't even pinpoint what I was feeling....fear, anxiety, nervousness, or merely anticipation. But, since yesterday afternoon, I've been fine. I'm perfectly calm today, just ready to be on my way. Well, I'm a little frantic but that is only because of several things I'm rushing to finish up before I leave.

I've had so many people wishing me well and telling me to give him hugs and kisses for them...I don't think this child will ever want for affection! I'm sending a big THANK YOU to everyone who has been supportive and helpful.

I have to make this one short today...too much to do! I imagine the next time I post will be after I return home

Until then.....

Counting Down!!

FIVE MORE DAYS!!!!

Yesterday it hit me like a Mack truck...in less than one week, I will experience the most life changing moment in my existence so far. It is a little strange to know ahead of time, but I guess all parents-to-be do to some extent. It is so overwhelming to know that in one brief moment I will go from living the single, carefree, no one to answer to, no one to worry about life, to POW!!.....worry about everything, responsible for a whole other person, coupon clipping, overly protective MOMMY!!! I just cannot fathom what my initial reaction to seeing my son (even typing that seems a little weird) for the first time and facing the reality that he is in fact a little person...not just a photo-on-my-computer-screen idea.

PLEASE don't misunderstand...I am SO excited and anxious I would go today if I could! Never for a second have I doubted my decision. I'm not scared in the least....well, maybe that is a little bit of a fib. I am scared a little, but not for me. I'm scared for him...wondering how all the changes he has endured and will soon endure have affected his little mind, heart, and soul. It breaks my heart to think of his heart breaking, being separated from the mommy he has known since shortly after he came into this world. I'm thinking (and hoping) this is just proof that I am officially, undeniably, a MOMMY and am experiencing all the feelings that come along with that.

I know I'll have lots of support from my family (and Stacey, if you are reading this, I hope you know that includes you! You ARE his Tia!!). And, I know I'll have lots of support from friends I've had for years and friends I've made throughout this journey.

I know I'll be fine...although I'm far from perfect, I know me and I know how committed I am to being a great parent. I've had so many good role models in that area...I know what it takes and I know what's require to make a child feel safe and loved...at least I think I do. Never has there been a better example of that than my Granny Lella who helped raise me and I know she'd be very proud of me and what I am doing. I just wish he could have known her and known Granny's love. Even without her here on Earth, I know he'll feel it...through my family who were all touched by that love.

Well....this turned into a bit of a rambling....but I guess that's kind of the point of a blog!

Till next time..........